Cambodia bans women from marrying Korean men

NOTE: Please bear with me on this! As this is a new blog, I need to give a ton of background information!

It is no secret that, for men in South Korea, finding a wife is not as easy as it once was. In a country where it is considered a duty of men to provide a mail heir, getting married is a high priority for most South Korean males. The problem is, not all Korean men can be considered eligible bachelors and Korean women are able to set their sights higher than was once possible.

This information is taken from the 2005 census statistics:

	Total	Men	Women	Number of men per 100 women
Total	47,041,434	23,465,650	23,575,784	99.53
0-4 Years old	2,382,350	1,237,301	1,145,049	108.06
5-9 Years old	3,168,887	1,654,228	1,514,659	109.21
10-14 Years old	3,434,891	1,816,318	1,618,573	112.22
15-19 Years old	3,100,523	1,626,378	1,474,145	110.33
20-24 Years old	3,662,123	1,915,902	1,746,221	109.72
25-29 Years old	3,671,847	1,858,332	1,813,515	102.47
30-34 Years old	4,096,282	2,059,913	2,036,369	101.16
35-39 Years old	4,112,785	2,065,668	2,047,117	100.91
40-44 Years old	4,123,041	2,082,427	2,040,614	102.05
100 Years +	960	104	856	12.15

The information above shows two important things:

1. There is a shortage of supply of Korean women.
2. Women live longer than men.

Why the shortage of women?

Families are being hit hard by the increasing cost of living in South Korea. A large proportion of income is spent on ensuring that children get the best education possible, and there is a huge private education system industry (the Korean hagwon industry – worth $15bn a year according to the FT) to supplement the inadequate public education system. As a result, it is increasingly difficult for the typical Korean family to be able to afford to raise more than 1 child. Koreans now prefer to have just 1 child, and to give that child every opportunity possible.

Koreans believe that bloodline is only advanced through the males in the family. The men thus prefer to have boys, and if they should only have one child, they prefer a boy. Women also prefer to have a son, in order to ensure that they live a comfortable life in their old age. The oldest male heir has a duty in Korean society to care for his aging parents once they retire. The eldest son is responsible for providing a home for his parents, as well as ensuring that they live comfortably. Having only daughters (or being childless) will often mean that the aging Korean will have to work themselves to death in order to fend for themselves. It is not uncommon to see elderly Koreans doing ANY work they can in order to survive at ages that grandparents in the west would be enjoying time with the grandchildren! This is often very low paid manual labour, such as farming from the home or collecting recyclable garbage.

Whilst abortion in Korea is illegal, it is still considered a perfectly acceptable form of contraception by many people. It is estimated that the average South Korean woman will have 0.59 abortions in her lifetime (or 1 in 2 women will have an abortion). This figure does not include abortions by unmarried women, and it is noted that this figure would be much higher if official statistics were known, especially when considering that the South Korean woman is more likely to marry later than the worldwide average age, and unmarried mothers are heavily stigmatised in this country (- that is a post for another day). The problem of married women aborting when the baby is known to be a girl is so big in Korea, it is illegal for a doctor to divulge the gender of a baby before birth. Of course, like many laws in South Korea (including the abortion laws), this is often ignored. My wife and I were told that we were having a daughter without either of us asking!

So, parents prefer to have a male child. This is something that has become an increasing problem over the past 25 years, and it is soon coming to the point where every Korean woman could marry a korean man, and there would STILL be almost 10% of men without a bride.

The man will study hard, and hopefully graduate University, whilst managing to complete 26 months of mandatory military service along the way. He will then work hard and save his wages so that he will have enough saved to be able to attract a bride who will bear him the male heir he is expected to provide.

Upwardly mobile women

When a Korean girl is born, the family do everything they can to present her with the best opportunities in life. The education she receives is just as good as that of the male children, and she is expected to attend University, as are the boys.

When she graduates, she will take a good job, although there will be a different wage paid – usually around 60%-70% of that paid for a man doing the same job. It is always in the back of her mind that she will one day marry, quit her job, and provide the children that it is her duty to provide. Some women once educated have other ideas, and are not so quick to fall into their expected role. This has been recognised as a “problem” in Korea (How dare they?!), and so the government is doing what it can to help change the attitudes of these women. Even the large corporations guilty of hiring these women are trying to “help” (or rather, trying to get the old ones married off so they can find a newer, cheaper model!)

Women are becoming educated. This is reducing the pool of desirable women (as there are few South Korean men who could handle the fact that they are not the “pants” in the relationship). If women are to be expected to marry, and are to be willing to ensure that they are able to support themselves once their husband dies his early death, they want to marry well!

With South Korean men worrying about the few women they have to choose from, the women are able to be more selective in their choice of husband. There is also an increasing number of South Korean women who dare to marry outside of the gene pool. The problems these women face are too numerous to go into today, but they will be tackled in future. Obviously, it is something I do know a little about!

Another concern for the South Korean woman when choosing a mate relates to the custom of the eldest son caring for his parents. If a woman marries an eldest son, she is usually expected to move in with the in-laws, and in effect becomes a servant for them. Until they die, that will be her lot in life! When I met my father-in-law for the first time, he was very concerned for her happiness. He did not doubt that I could care for her, or that I could provide for her. He knew that I wanted to marry her and would make her happy. All he was concerned about was the fact that I was an eldest son, and he did not want his daughter to move to the UK to become a servant to my mother. Once we explained that we are not expected to do that in the UK, he was happy and gave the marriage his blessing.

Regional Variances

In general, the families that can afford to live in Seoul do not need to be worried about the expense of caring for themselves in their old-age. This usually means that they are less concerned about the gender of their children. Women who graduate University also prefer to live in the capital as this allows them to earn more money, and also gives access to a more desirable pool of potential mates. Compare the gender proportion figures for Seoul, Busan (the second largest city), Gyeonggi-do (the hugely populated area that surrounds Seoul), the smaller towns, and the Korean countryside:

	Seoul	Busan	Gyeonggi-do	Towns	Districts (Countryside)
20-24	98.05	109.96	104.41	98.05	157.39
25-29	98.29	101.14	100.17	98.29	136.09
30-34	105.54	99.6	98.13	105.54	124.21
35-39	102.17	95.17	100.38	102.17	118.3

It is obvious that, whilst there is some hope for any Korean man who can live in the city, the poorest, least educated workers (the farmers who must stay at home) are going to have very little hope of ever finding a bride!

Looking overseas

In order to overcome these problems, Koreans have been looking overseas for marriage (<— If you only read one link today, make it this one!) . A lucrative business that offers a bride for a fee made sure the needs of Korean men were catered for without any consideration given to the women involved. The women, who come from very poor countries, have no idea what they are getting into. When they arrive to their happy life in rich South Korea, they often discover why their new husband had to resort to marrying somebody without even sharing a common language with them. Domestic violence is not uncommon. Poverty often ensures that they have to work to be able to contribute to the family. The work of an unskilled migrant worker is not a pretty one! In fact, it is so bad that South Korea have been recently reprimanded by the UN with regard to the level of domestic violence against women and the treatment of migrant workers, and felt obliged to make a public statement about it! (I will revisit this topic once the UN’s report is published).

Cambodia, noticing a trend in the number of failed marriages to South Korean men (and in the reported conditions women face once they marry) have recently banned all overseas marriages (also here and here) until they can do something to ensure that women will be cared for once they immigrate.

Cambodia is not the first country to recognise the problem with what amounts to people trafficking. Vietnam banned these South Korean ‘matchmakers’ from operating in their country 2 years ago, though that law is, once again, ignored by some Koreans. The Vietnamese ban on the marriage brokers (though NOT the marriages) followed a pair of horrific incidents following brokered marriages (13th March EDIT: The killer was sentenced). The brokered marriages are still going ahead in South Korea, and with advertising proclaiming such things as “A Vietnamese daughter-in-law obeys“, many parents are all too happy to encourage their children to spend the money on a nice wife!

Hopefully, international pressure from the UN will be enough to embarrass the South Korean government into protecting these women, who are at the mercy of their husbands once they arrive. The new President of South Korea, despite being a real bastard on almost every level, is not a stupid man. He is working hard to ensure the long-term future of the Korean economy, despite it making him hugely unpopular with the people. Hopefully he will have the courage to improve women’s rights in the country, and further invoke the fury of the Korean man.

PS: Remember the 1 link I said you should read? Well I lied! Here is a follow-up